Airplanes, Elephants and Merry Go Rounds

Day 5 Health Activists Writers Challenge Month

So today's assignment was to go to http://www.flickr.com/explore and write an ekphrasis post about a random image.
Sounds fun except I ran out of 'word a day' toilet paper before ever learning ekphrasis. Thus I had to look it up.
According to Wikipedia:  the graphic, often dramatic, description of a visual work of art.
However I don't always trust Wikipedia since from my understanding anyone can write definitions for the site. I happen to know a few jesters that would find it quite hilarious to write inaccurate definitions for said site so I check out the Merriam Webster site as well. As per Webster: Ekphrasis means a literary description of or commentary on a visual work of art. That makes more sense to me than Wiki's definition. So know that I've expanded my vocabulary I can continue with my Ekphrasis post.

This was my random image: It is called Fly me to the moon by Trek 22

I struggled at first with this. I wanted to play by the rules - random image - apply to health cause.
Thus my first thought was about how high airplanes fly and thus about all the various highs my my kids and I have battled over the last 5 years. Also how afraid of flying I am  - well afraid of crashing. Same thing with the sugar highs - its not just the complications it is also the crashes that can result from coming down too quickly.

I stared a bit longer at the image and thought a bit deeper. I thought about how in the early 60's we (the US) pledged to put a man on the moon. The idea of traveling to an celestial body over 200,000 miles away seemed impossible. There were so many unknowns, so many variables and many obstacles. Yet it was done - One small step and all... So as I think of the enormity of space travel and the difficulties that were overcome I feel hope. Hope that in my children's lifetimes there will be a cure for diabetes, despite unknowns, variables and obstacles (not mentioning any names - FDA).

While contemplating how this image speaks to me a melody kept playing in my head and soon the lyrics followed. There is a pop song that is played nearly every 10 minutes on radio stations across the nation. See Partial Lyrics below:

Chorus:
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now
Wish right nowYeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this'Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin' at that phone in your lap
And you hopin' but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplane, airplane, sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now
Wish right now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNAb6h6WL_A

I only included the chorus and the first verse. While I like nearly all music some of the rap stuff doesn't agree with my head but the many of the lyrics speak to me - sometimes I really could use a wish.

Ok so now that I followed the rules and used my random image let me share the images that I found that also spoke to me. Since I could spend days exploring all the wonderful photos I decided to limit my explorations to Feb 7, 2007 (The day Sugar Boy was dxd) and April 19, 2009 (the day Sweetstuff was dxd) - still a little random right.

Feb 7, 2007 elephante by Jaime M.

So I could not believe this picture was uploaded on Feb 7th, 2007 the same day the elephant moved into our home. The elephant that is always lives in our home and no matter how often we would like to ignore it (not ignore the medical necessities but the idea that it will change us) - it bullies its way into every aspect of our lives. There are many times that we win and the elephant is relegated to some far off corner - those are good days and thankfully there are more good than bad. But Diabetes has changed our family. My kids are not as carefree as their peers and they have had to grow up a bit faster than their peers. In the end it is made my kids stronger, smarter, and braver. Diabetes has made me stronger, smarter and braver too.

April 19, 2009 There is a Savage Distortion Jordy K

This is how I felt the morning of April 19th, 2009 when my Sweetness checked her blood sugar (not yet diagnosed) and we saw a 254 present itself so quietly on the screen of SugarBoy's spare meter. My head spun, my stomach dropped and my eyes swelled with tears yet I knew I needed to stay strong since the eyes of my 9 year old first born only daughter were watching me - waiting for my reaction. I searched for words - do I say "I'm sorry"? Do I tell her it is likely a mistake (although I had known for hours it wasn't)? Do I cus like she had? (Yes she took a liberty with a cus word that fine Sunday morning her words - "Shit, I'm diabetic") What did I say through the spinning world that I felt was falling around me - I said "Ok pack a bag, remember socks". She did remember socks btw -fuzzy pink ones with polka dots.

Life is a balancing act. I try my best, sometimes I fail, sometimes I win, sometimes it is a draw. I hope while I play my roles my kiddos see me learn from my mistakes (proof that I am trying) and celebrate my wins.

I write because…

I have only been at this diabetes blog thing for about 6 weeks. I started drinking the Kool-Aid as an outlet for my own thoughts and feelings. I didn’t expect many to find let alone read my blog posts aside from close friends who I guilt into doing so. Last time I checked my blog had been viewed just under 750 times. I feel fairly optimistic when I think about that number even if a good deal of those views were likely me checking to see if anyone commented (yes I need my ego stroked so please feel free to comment).

So why did I choose to write about diabetes? Why not write about being a veteran, a teacher, a mom, a daughter, a wife or any number of other hats I wear? The answer is simple – of all my hats my parent of children with diabetes is the one I always wear – the other hats just get piled on top. Call me the crazy hat lady but really aren’t we all balancing multiple hats all the time?

Kerri S. www.sixuntilme.com says it best when she says “Diabetes doesn’t define me but it helps explain me” (Do I still owe Kerri a $1 for using the phrase “doesn’t define me” if I credited it to her?) I likely could put her dear daughter through college due to the number of times I use that phrase. Diabetes is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I fall asleep – not to mention the 30+ times a day I think of it and worry for my kids. I am ‘happy’ to do the thinking for my kids right now – all too soon Diabetes will be the first, last and most often thing they think of when they leave the safety of the nest. Chances are I still will be thinking about it as often. They will likely screen their calls while in college because this diabetes police woman will likely call too often for their tastes.

How does writing help me (why I write)? It allows me to unclutter my mind. I wouldn’t have to write if I was Albus Dumbledore “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind... At these times... I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure.” (Yes I am a Potter head and yes I quoted Dumbledore in a post about healthy writing.)

My thoughts get very jumbled up and when that happens I find myself drowning in the depths of diabetes burnout. My blog has become my Pensieve. Perhaps my thoughts and experiences will find their way onto a computer screen of a parent whose child has diabetes and they will find something useful or comforting in my writings (or in any number of the links I share to much better dblogs).

Time for #DSMA Chat so I gotta run. Cheers all.

HAWMC Day 3

Health Activists Writer's month Challenge 30 Days 30 Posts Superpower Day. If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it?

When I was little I wanted Dr. Doolittle’s powers. I wanted to communicate with animals. I mean how cool would it be if I could chat with my cat, converse with the local raccoons and politely ask a horse to not buck me off. When I was a tween I wanted Jeannie's powers - I would cross my arms and blink my room clean. When I was a college student I wanted the ability to teleport - the 45 minute drive to work from school was a real bummer and I was always late. As an Airman in the Air Force I wanted super strength and speed so I would be chosen for the Air Force Pararescue Elite Team. As a homemaker with three kids prior to Feb 2007 I went back to wanting Jeannie's powers to clean my house and make dinner. Since Feb of 2007 when Sugar Boy was dxd with type 1 there is only one Superpower I wish for - The Ability to Cure People. That's all I have to say about that.

Too Many too choose from…

Day 2 of the Health Activists Writer's Month Challenge

Who said it best? Today, focus on something you’ve heard, read, or even said as the basis for your post. Choose a quote that inspires you – positively or negatively – and gets you thinking.

I love quotes – I have so many favorites and they all inspire me in various ways.

Here are a few of my favorites and why (not listed in any particular order).

·       “Today you can choose to be pitiful or powerful” Mike Lawson http://whatsomewouldcalllies.com/

I first learned of Mike and his amazing attitude and all round greatness back in February during a Live Talk Radio put on by #DSMA on twitter. The quote was one of Mike’s Monday Mantras. It touched me greatly because I am not a morning person and if my night was exceptionally bad I am a bit grouchy to my dear hubby (especially if he dings the side of his coffee cup with the spoon – that really gets under my skin). I’m usually all good after a cup or two of coffee but my poor attitude in the morning can set a bad tone for the day for my entire family.

Remembering that quote – even put it on dry erase board for a while helps me to have a positive attitude more so than the “choose happiness” type of quotes. Who can choose happiness – happiness is a feeling that is the result of actions. Thus acting powerful provides me happiness, not just in the morning but throughout each day. The quote has made it into my sweetness’s lunch on more than one occasion and has empowered her as well.

·       "Life is not about holding a good hand, it's about playing a poor hand well.” Robert Louis Stevenson

Everyone has something. Two of my kids have diabetes. My mom has MS. My sister has IBS (she will love that I posted that). Friends have cancer or relatives with cancer. Friends have children with Autism, Down Syndrom, Hemophilia, etc. Everyone has something. In some way or another we all have some bad cards. Any good card player knows it isn’t about always getting dealt a good hand – it is all about how you play the cards. Diabetes sucks but I do all I can to play it well. I keep learning, educating, and advocating because folding is not an option.

·       "Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults" & "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday." Baz Luhrmann

I love Baz’s song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

I have a hard time accepting compliments (years of insecurity and allowing others to define me did a real number on me). Reminding myself to say “thank you” when someone says something nice to me allows me to chip away at the mountain of insecurities I have.

In regards to the “troubles” – I was a worrier. Wasted years of my life worrying that I would get it wrong, screw up, trip, make others angry, disappoint, etc. Then at 10am on Feb 7, 2007 I learned that my tiny two year old had diabetes and it would never go away and I would hold his life in my hands every day. I don’t worry so much anymore if my clothes are right, if my house is clean enough, if I won’t be liked. Those are such tiny matters compared to what could really change my life or the lives of those I love. Worrying gets me no where quick.

My current most favorite quote.

·       “It never gets easier, you get better”

I have no idea who first said it. I found it on Pinterest and Google searches didn’t provide any usable information.

When Sugar Boy was diagnosed with Type 1 people would tell me “It gets easier.” They were right eventually counting carbohydrates, dosing insulin, checking blood sugars, getting up at night – it all got easier. But really it didn’t – it is still a pain in the butt. I still get things wrong. So why does it sometimes seem easier – because I got better. Now when I meet parents with a newly diagnosed child I try not to tell them simply – “it gets easier” – I tell them the truth – “it won’t get easier but you will get better.” I wish someone had told it to me straight when sugarboy was diagnosed.

So that’s it – well only because I was only supposed to write for 15 minutes and I have to get ready for work. I can’t wait to read all the other HAWMC posts.

Participating in the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge

April 1st

Health Time Capsule. Pretend you’re making a time capsule of you & your health focus that won’t be opened until 2112. What’s in it? What would people think of it when they found it?

I have struggled with this first post (doesn’t make me confident about the next 29 days).

I am not the healthiest person I could be. I don’t exercise regularly (actually haven’t done so in a year – don’t judge).

I don’t eat the best foods all the time although I attempt to avoid some of the worst (Reese’s Cups don’t count cus if you eat them when your stressed the stress counter acts the fat and sugar – if you buy that I know a guy with a bridge for sale.)

I don’t get enough sleep (not entirely my fault since many nights it is my job as a pancreas for two kids that keeps me up – HOWEVER – some nights it is a good book or a good blog that keeps me up).

So now that I have covered the things I fail at let me share what I succeed at and how I would incorporate them into a time capsule.

·       Laughter – I love laughing and even more so I love making others laugh (either at me or with me doesn’t matter). I would include my favorite funnies- either ones I have written or copied (without prior approval – won’t matter about copyright I’ll be dead what can they do?)

·       Books – I would include a list of my most favorite books. I love reading more than anything else (even Reese’s). Reading (maybe combined with working, 3 kids, doing the job of 2 pancreases, and my complete lack of organization) is why my house is often cluttered, dishes aren’t done each night, and my idea of cleaning a toilet is applying the toilet bowl cleaner and closing the lid. “Books are the treasured wealth of the world and the fit inheritance of generations and nations.” Henry David Thoreau (I did give credit there since clearly I am still living).

·       Water – I love water. I am not picky either, aside from avoiding the water while traveling abroad (I’ve only been to Cancun once - that is the extent of my travels outside the US but I wanted for just a second to sound well traveled.) I don’t need bottled water; in fact I don’t approve of it since it wastes plastic and pollutes the environment during production and as a waste. I don’t judge others for enjoying it though. I can drink tap water with or without ice but please please please don’t put a slice of lemon in my water – cucumbers or limes are ok. I feel better the more water I drink and eat less food if I drink 8oz before I eat a meal. (As far as how I would include water in the capsule while avoiding disposable bottles – I have lots of stainless steel ones – someone would be thinking about that).

·       My college degrees – I don’t currently work fulltime so I don’t feel like I am utilizing my degrees but getting them was a blast and some of the best times in my life and not just for drinking games and toga parties (never actually been to one) or attending class in my pjs (have done that). Learning is what makes me happy in addition to Reese’s and books. Learning is the best way to improve our future and the future of others with the implementation of our learning’s. (see how well I’ve been edumacated – the sentences just flow wonderfully)

·       Music – With the exception of Jazz really hard core rap and some country music I love it all. Music makes me dance (that’s exercise right?), makes me happy, calms me, and helps me stay on task when cleaning (that makes my hubby happy and a happy hubby makes for less stress).

·       Friends – pictures of them of course. All those that accept me despite knowing me. I have been (or felt) alone at times in my life during childhood and adulthood and that is the worst feeling. Having supportive friends (those that I see in person or only know as an avatar online) has been the single most important thing in regards to my health.

·       BUT Let’s not forget the Elephant – Insulin

I make my own (insert guilt here) but 2 of my kids don’t. They need insulin as much as they need air. Hopefully in 2112 no one will have a clue what the heck the little glass vial of clear life saving liquid was for. (It would be great to see some advanced version of us standing around completely stumped about that little glass vial). While Insulin keeps my kids alive and healthy and I am very grateful for it – it is NOT a cure. It won’t be a cure when used in artificial pancreases either although I will be thankful for those when they are available as well.

So that’s it. At least that is all I can think of currently. I don’t know exactly what people would think about my items – I try never to pretend to know what others will think about anything at any given time.

Wish I Had Recorded It

So my dear Sweetness has had a rough year as a sixth grader. Her & her BFF drifted apart since they don’t have classes together and don’t live close enough to hang daily. Sweetness has taken that very hard since she is a very loyal friend and tried hard to maintain the friendship. She doesn’t fault the other child and holds no ill-will towards her but misses her friend.

She has tried numerous times to find a new bestie with little luck, none measure up to her old bestie. Sweetness has always had a slightly difficult time making good friends. Some girls don’t like her having never even met her. Some are fair weather types that blow in and out with the weather. Sweetness is friendly to everyone and never judges anyone. She is the first to step up to defend a student being bullied, she is the first to offer assistance to a student struggling in class, if she sees a student lost in the lunchroom (holding tray with no idea where to sit) she invites him or her to join her table. She has a few friends that she eats with regular and enjoys their company but they each already have a bestie.

The week prior to spring break she was invited by a neighborhood friend to join her and two other girls to eat lunch in their math class. The girls would occasionally help their teacher but mostly spent their lunch period laughing and dancing. Things were looking up for dear Sweetness.

She was even beginning to feel as though one of the other girls wanted as much as she did to have a real bestie. Oh what joy. UNTIL – last Friday when the two girls realized that when the new middle school opens next fall Sweetness will transfer to the new school and the other student will stay at their current school. Drats.

All weekend Sweetness moped about because of it. Today she texted me a number of times from school (hiding in the bathroom – she gets to keep her phone on her per her 504 but is not supposed to be texting). One of the texts was “I am having a not so good day” to which I responded “Sorry baby – some days are just like that – even in Australia” I got a “Nice. Love u.” in response. I hope it made her smile.

When she got home I “invited” her to peel potatoes and while she was peeling I encouraged her to keep building the friendship with the new friend. They can continue to text and Skype over the summer and the years beyond until they are reunited in High School. I asked her what made this new friend so special.

HERE IS THE PUNCHLINE AND WHY I WISH I RECORDED IT FOR FUTURE USE….

Sweetness, “Because she is so much like you. Her humor, her sarcasm, they way she is always singing and all her movie quotes. I like her because she is you.”

Holy Cow – I waited a bit for her punch line but it didn’t come. She didn’t ask for anything. Could it be that my child actually likes me? I almost told her to check her blood sugar to be sure she wasn’t low and thus delirious. How long can this last for? If I had it recorded I could use it to remind her that once upon a time she really did like me. How lonely can my dear child be if she is drawn to qualities in a friend that remind her of her mom?

This is me and Sweetness the day before she was diagnosed.

 This is my Sweetness now.

I just wanted to share her with everyone since she makes me so very proud every day.

Sugar brings you Down

The title of this post is not exactly what you would expect to see on a blog regarding diabetes but for middles (btw my middle son suggested that I actually call him “middles” instead of just “middle” when referring to him. He believes it sounds “cooler”) who does not have diabetes sugar does bring him down. Of course it takes him to a “high” first - that sugar rush that we all know as a burst of energy and giddiness. Unfortunately it has the opposite effect a few hours after the sugar high.

Saturday I took middles to a campground to hang with friends and celebrate one of the friend’s bday. It was a good hour from our home so I did stay and visit with the bday boy’s mom. I left middles to his own devices, playing with water guns, biking, playing football, and hiking – all the fun stuff associated with a campout. However, I should have paid closer attention to how often he visited the cooler. Turns out he drank 3.5 sodas and 4 rice crispy treats somewhat behind my back. I mean he didn’t ask for permission (all the boys were doing it) and didn’t advertise what he was doing. I figured it out a few hours later when he was exhausted, whiny, and very emotional. Had I had a Glucometer with me I would have tested him. Like I said he does not have diabetes but I still worry – (praying that it isn’t true that bad things come in 3s).

His complaints included: headache, fatigue, and tummy ache – not to mention the teary-eyed whininess. I suggested to middles that we call it a day and start heading home. Of course he didn’t agree – fearful he would miss out on some fun activity. So he lied down on a hammock to relax and rest until it was time to open gifts. The excitement of gift opening brought him up and then the boys were off playing with water guns again. All was well until middles took a spill, skinning his knees and causing his emotions to take a severe down turn.

The other boys had consumed nearly as much sugar but didn’t seem to be as poorly effected as middles. This thought plagued me on the long drive home. I had decided to test him when we arrived home but got busy with my other two and cooking dinner. I sit here now wondering what the meter would have said, wishing I would have tested but at the same time not sure I would want to know the answer.