30 Days 30 Posts 3 days Late

Day 30 Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge

My last prompt was intended for May 1st but with all that has been happening in the last 2 weeks I fell behind. Catching up today with a final HAWMC post before a new challenge begins - looking forward to  Diabetes Blog Week

The prompt for May 1st was: Recap HAWMC. You did it! 30 posts in 30 days. Which was your favorite prompt? Which was the most difficult? Which ideas will you reuse? Who was your favorite fellow blogger?

First off - I loved that as a virgin blogger I took this opportunity to participate in the challenge. The prompts kept me focused and on task (mostly). I wrote posts that I might not have considered writing had I been going it alone during the 3 months of being a blog author.

My favorite prompt(s) - I have a hard time choosing one item over another - that's why I take multiple friends with me when I go eat sushi.

• Health Time Capsule - I loved this one because it encouraged me to think about what is important in my health and the health of my children. Health Time Capsule
• Why I write - It made me really think about why blogging has been so important for me and thankful I finally got started - Why I write
• Ekphrasis Post - well first off I learned a new word and I do love words. Second I got to discover flickr and what a neat site it is. Third - things just fit that day. Airplanes Elephants and Merry-Go-Rounds
• 5 Dinner Guests - I loved this post because it happened and while writing it I got to relive that wonderful evening of love & laughter Dining with diabetes- served with a side of friends
• Miracle Cure - this wasn't so much a favorite prompt - more of a favorite post. I had thought about conjuring up some magic fairy farts to create a cure but in the end I recognized that there is no miracle cure - just hard working people. Exposed
• My Happy Place - This was by far my most favorite prompt - it was from a list of early bird prompts that I received for registering early. I used it on a free choice day. I love my happy place not only because it makes me happy - because it takes away everything that isn't happy. Ocean of tears

What prompt was most difficult?

My Dream Day - I hated this prompt. It made me realize I do have a little 'selfish' in me. I'm not sharing the link - you will have to look for it if you want to read it.

Which ideas will you reuse?

I liked contemplating the 5 challenges and 5 small victories - it was good to take inventory.

Favorite fellow bloggers? See above regarding favorite prompts. 

Choosing a single prompt or post was too hard for me so choosing a favorite blogger would be impossible. Every blog I read was important enough for another blogger to write. Sure some are more entertaining, some are more honest, some are more educational - but I couldn't tell you which blogger(s) are my favorites. I'm just grateful there are others who share. 

Wordless Wednesday (almost)

We will be moving to this glorious area soon. 

My boys still don't know. 

We knew over the last 8 months or so that we might be making a move to a new state/job/life. 

We figured we would cross that bridge when we come to it. 

Turns out the bridge is the Golden Gate. 

Picture shared from flickr - belongs to Rob Vucic

I Don't do Well with Limitations

Day 29 Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge

Sunday's prompt: Six Sentence Story. In this day of micro-blogging - brevity is a skill worth honing. Can you tell a story and make it short and sweet? What can you say in six sentences.

First let me ask do parenthesis count?
So those of you who have read any number of my posts you are already laughing at this prompt when it comes to me. Brevity is not my forte. I will give it a go though.

There are times in the last 5+ years that one or more of my littles has said something regarding diabetes that stops me in my tracks, makes me force a smile, and then leaves me hiding in my laundry room silently weeping.

One of those times was when Sugarboy was only 3 and getting ready to check his blood sugar, he took out his canister of strips and noticed it was the last strip in the canister, thus he said to me, "wouldn't it be great if when you ran out of strips diabetes would be done."

Later that same year we took part in the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes - just before we began the walk Sugarboy asked if we got the cure at the end of the walk or would they mail it to us.

Another time just before his fifth birthday Sugarboy said he would be happy when diabetes went away after his birthday; seems he thought that D was something kids had until they turned 5 since his brother didn't have D when he was 5.

Wait there's more...

Sweetstuff viewed the sex-ed video at school when she was in forth grade, when she returned home I asked her if she understood everything, she said yes it was fine but then asked, "will my kids have diabetes?"

This last one isn't a tear jerker - it is actually funny and I wanted to end on a happy note - btw this sentence doesn't count. :P

We were at a friends house and Sugarboy was playing with their big fluffy dog, I told him that Buttons has diabetes too, he looked under Buttons belly and moved his hands through her fur then asked, "Where is her infusion set?"

I'll Need To Be As Brave As Him

Day 28 Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge

(still catching up - and skipping around to get everything done)
Saturday's prompt was: The First Time I... Write a post about the first time you did something. What was it? What was it like? What did you learn from it?

I had a hard time choosing an event for this post.

I considered writing about my first blog post. I remember being scared that it wouldn't be good, that I would share too much, that I wouldn't have anything worth sharing, that I would spell a bazillion words wrong and forget to use punctuation properly. In the end the spelling and punctuation didn't matter. Once I started writing I wasn't scared and found lots to write about. As far as the quality well that's up to the readers. It was therapeutic and fun and I'm glad I continued.

I considered writing about my first Kids Walk Presentation for the JDRF - I was nervous and scared I would screw up, say the wrong thing, forget to share some vital piece of information. Turns out I do well in front of little people (a good thing since I'm a teacher by trade). I made mistakes but the kids didn't know and they responded well to the presentation. Three years later I am even better at it and loving it the most out of all the volunteer things I do.

I tossed other ideas around but kept coming back to the basic. The thing that I never thought I would have to do and certainly don't want to do. I always wanted to be a writer (do blogs count? - say yes so I can feel accomplished) and I always wanted to be a presenter (do kids count? - say yes so I can feel glad). What I never imagined myself doing was sticking a syringe into my two year old's thigh. I've already posted  Diagnosis stories (yes plural) so I don't need to share them again but what I didn't share was my first time dosing my child.

So after watching the nurses dose my dear boy and receiving minimal training I was handed a syringe. It wasn't truly huge but it felt like a harpoon in my hands. It wasn't particularly intimidating although to me it  looked like a medieval torturing device. I tried so hard to hold it steady to insert the tiny needle (looked like a samurai sword to me) into the rubber stopper on the top of the insulin vial. My hands shook and the needle bounced around the rubber stopper before I was able to fully insert it. I pulled back and watched the clear liquid gold fill the tiny body of the syringe. I flicked the side of the syringe to encourage all the mini bubbles to dance their way to the tip to be expelled. I pushed too hard and insulin shot across the room leaving an overwhelming smell of band aides throughout. Sugarboy was engrossed in a DS game and hardly paying attention to all that was happening in the room - a tiny little super hero in his superman jammies complete with cape oblivious to the fear and sadness his mommy was feeling.

I squinted closely to be sure the insulin was free of bubbles. It was difficult since the entire dose was only 1 unit. Time to inject the insulin - I told my little man that it was time for a shot and he simply laid back. I gently tugged at Sugarboys PJ pants - wanting desperately to toss the syringe to the side, grab my boy and run away - to pretend it was all a nightmare.

The nurse stopped me then and reminded me I needed to clean the skin with an alcohol wipe before dosing. Sugarboy simply looked over the DS at me - his big beautiful eyes so innocent and brave. I wiped the skin clean - he said it was cold but didn't stop playing his game. He had received a number of shots already - even from his daddy and was used to it. I realized later he thought that it would only last while he was at the hospital - he didn't understand we would be taking the syringes home with him.

I gently blew on the cleaned area but then the nurse told me not to do that. She said I could leave germs and made me clean the area again and then wave my hand over the cleaned area. I took aim with the syringe and the nurse whispered "It's better to go fast". I thought about closing my eyes but decided that would be stupid. Still Sugarboy played his game. I pinched up his skin, inserted the needle, pressed the plunger, counted to 5, released the skin and removed the needle. Still Sugarboy played his game. I wanted to vomit. I'm not a math whiz but I quickly calculated the minimum number of times I would do this each day - 4 x 365 = 1,460. Now I just wanted to cry. Still Sugarboy played his game. I kissed his forehead told him he was brave and that I loved him. He told me "Me too" - still he played his game. I loved that DS.

On that day I learned that I will have to be as brave as my boy to keep him alive. 

Get your head out of the clouds...

Day 30 Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge

Still playing catch up but this was today's actual prompt: Word Cloud.  Make a word cloud or tree with a  list of words that come to mind when you think about your blog, health, or interests. I cheated - I used a word generator that pulled words from my blog. Word Cloud Generator

Of course after I used the word cloud generator I couldn't figure out how to post it. This I took a picture of my computer screen with my iPhone. Reminds me of when I was a tween and would hold my Tape recorder up the radio to record top 40. Oh technology I love you - I may not always understand you but I do love you. Surely you (a reader that wants to create your own fun word cloud) will likely be able to figure out how to share the link to the word cloud. I followed the instructions to the best of my ability but still failed. Oh well - iPhone pic coming up.

Doesn't surprise me that the word Diabetes is the largest - either it is because I use it most often or the program just knows that despite our best efforts much of the time - diabetes is still the elephant that can not be ignored. Always demanding attention.

She was is afraid

Day 25 Health Activist Writers Month Challenge

I am behind - I'm almost always behind. Although up until the 24th I wasn't behind. Big things happened on the 23rd that caused me to fall behind -

Day 25 Prompt: Third person post. Write about a memory you have but describe it using the third person. Use as many sensory images (sights, sounds, textures, etc) as you can. Don't use "I" or "me" unless you include dialogue.

     She was alone when the package arrived. Her husband was off running a dozen errands. They knew it was coming and one of them had to be home to receive it. While waiting she picked up odds and ends scattered about the house - there are always odds and ends scattered around the house. She considered a nap but knew that as soon as she closed her eyes the UPS truck would arrive and the resident canines would begin barking like mad thus waking her from rest and forcing her to roll of the couch to answer the door. She was dreading the package but excited at the same time. Dishes done, floor swept, laundry folded. She considered starting dinner but after a long disappointing search in the fridge decided it would be a good night to eat out. She started the forth load of laundry of the day - how do five people create so much dirty laundry in a week? She remembered she hadn't feed the dogs and grabbed for the bag of dog food, only it snagged on the dustpan and tore open scattering kibble across the floor - drats - dang dogs. Swept again. So much nervous energy.
     She picked up her copy of "The Book of Better" - too scatterbrained to read continuously she flipped through various chapters (there aren't really chapters) laughing out loud at the illustrations - especially the one that depicts various mensroom type figures all(most) all with little bulges on the sides of their waist. Person with MP3 Player, Person with coin purse, Person with Cellphone, Person with pump (all identical illustrations) then the last one - person with chameleon (small silhouette of chameleon on the figures waste). She giggled aloud for the 10 time when seeing that illustration. The entire book is like that - great information mixed in with sarcasm and humor that she understands lives for.
     Still full of anxiety she puts the book aside and wanders aimlessly through the house. There is lots of work to be done; laundry to put away, dusting (who does that really), bathrooms to be cleaned, yard to pick up, files to organize (LOL), and so many more tasks that should be completed. The alert sounds - both dogs barking as if a a heard of squirrels were doing cartwheels outside the front window. The UPS truck hadn't even come to a full stop yet. She opens the door, fusses at the dogs to quiet themselves and greats the UPS man with a warm while at the same time wanting to tell him to keep driving. She signs for the package - really she just scribbles - who actually signs?
     The package weighs remarkably less than she thought it would. It isn't truly a package, just a cardboard envelope. The tab top begs her to pull it but she doesn't. She calmly returns inside and sets the envelope upon the office desk with care one might think is meant for a highly volatile explosive. She texts her husband that the package has arrived. Can she open it? The reply is a NO. She expected that and honestly wouldn't want to deprive her hubby from the thrill of opening it himself.
      He's home. He says this is it and pulls open the cardboard tab. It stings her like a band aid being removed. He begins to read through the documents. The suspense is killing her and thankfully there are two copies. They read aloud and silently. Digesting the information. Her stomach is in nots. Excitement, anxiety, fear, sadness, and joy all at once welling inside her. It's real, it's really going to happen. She will be moving across the country to a new state, a new home, a new life, a new job, a new community a new everything.
      She imagines what the boys will think - Sweetness already knew (that child has ears everywhere). Sweetness is thrilled and has already been house shopping online. No time to think of everything that will be left behind. Hubby will leave in less than a week, Realtors will be calling, movers will be calling, the house will need to be made ready to sell, home searches will begin in the new state. Don't tell anyone yet hubby says. She has friends she needs to tell, oh my how will she tell nurse? How will she tell the boys? It's all happening so quickly. Sell the boys on the idea that they can learn to snow board in Tahoe - yes they will love that. Will Middles want to learn to surf? Are there sharks in the Bay Area? Who will the kids Endo be? Oh no did she hear once that CA doesn't have nurses in the schools - what will she do? Who will watch out for the kids? Surely their are kids with diabetes in CA - they manage well right? Breathe.

    I struggled with an idea for this post. I assumed when I read the prompt back in early April I would write about Sugarboy's diagnosis or Sweetstuff's diagnosis - but Ive done that. I felt like there wasn't any other big moments I could write about. Then this all came about. I didn't decide to use it until tonight around 10pm. It is a huge life changing event for us. We are leaving everything we have known as a family. Yes I moved from WI to TX on my own but not really since the Air Force moved me, told me where to live, what to wear, when to eat, when to march, when to jump, when to run, etc. I didn't have to think about any of it. Even when Chad and I left the service and moved a tad north it wasn't a big deal. It was only 1.5 hours from where we were and Sweetstuff was only 6 months old. This move is huge. I have set up and joined a huge community of other parents of CWD, I have dozens of friends, I have my teaching degree for TX - can I transfer it easily to CA? My kids have all their friends, we have our school nurse who is more family than anything else. I have our pharmacist - just realized that tonight when I went to pick up test strips and Phillip was so kind to ask about the kids. We have a beautiful home (albeit cluttered and disorganized), and while my family doesn't live in TX they don't mind the 18 hour drive to visit us - I can't see them jumping in a car to drive 36 hours to visit us in CA.

    There have been much better and more moving (well less actual moving) posts regarding this prompt. I'm almost embarrassed to share this one but this is huge for me. It has caused me a great deal of stress and joy at the same time. I can only imagine what it will do for my Sweetstuff and Sugarboy's blood sugars once the For Sale sign is in the yard and the movers arrive to pack us up. What their sugars will be like starting a new school, making new friends, finding a place to fit in.

  The move is a good thing and will be wonderful for my family. This is not a pity post - it is a celebration but it is also a reality check. Stress is stress whether it is positive or negative and it effects blood sugars, sleeping patterns, appetite, and emotions. Keep calm and Move on

(ATTN Local friends that might find this via FB or stalking - my boys do not know we are moving yet - please do not share with your kiddos. I would hate for my boys to hear about it from anyone but me or Chad. Also, please do not be offended if you are a close friend and this is the first you are hearing about it. I have been an emotional mess and swamped with all that must be done so I have hermitized (is that a word) myself to stay focused. I will officially share the news with all my local peeps soon - after my boys know - dreading that conversation - thanks for understanding and keeping it on the down low.)

High 5

Day 27 Health Activist Writers Month Challenge

Yesterday's prompt: (Im a day behind - life got in the way)
5 Challenges. 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.


5 Challenges 


1. Improving our families diet - While I am sure to always educate others that my kids, although they have Type 1 diabetes, can eat everything everyone else can - that doesn't mean they should and I shouldn't either. When my first child (actually my youngest child) was diagnosed with Diabetes I didn't understand that there were different types of diabetes. I only knew about a type that restricted a person's diet. My first thought when I was told Sugarboy had diabetes was that he couldn't eat the chocolates I bought him for Valentines day. Of course I soon learned the differences between the types of diabetes and Sugarboy was able to devour his chocolates on Valentines Day. Still to avoid huge sugar spikes we try to reduce the amount of processed sugars we all eat. It is hard to say no to Reese's Peanut Butter cups though.


2. Allowing my cwd to go for long periods of time to friends homes or events without me. Diabetes is a difficult monster to understand and trusting just anyone to notice symptoms of low blood sugars or trust my own offspring to notice their symptoms and take appropriate actions or ask for help has been a challenge. Sweetstuff gets it and does a very good job checking her blood sugar and taking appropriate actions. Sugarboy is young and when he best busy helping Green Lantern save the world symptoms and blood sugar checks often get forgotten. It will come with time - their better understanding and my ability to trust them.


3. Remembering to first say good morning, good afternoon, & welcome home to my kids - then ask them to check their blood sugars. As a parent of children with diabetes it is the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing I think of before going to bed and nearly every hour of the day. I sometimes forget to be a mom first and a diabetes care manager second. It helps that my daughter is as sarcastic as me and if the first thing I say to her when she gets home from school is "How were your sugars?" she will respond with "I had a great day how was yours?" (Love that she speaks my language)


4. Allowing others to help - I am a bit of a control freak. When I say "bit" I mean I need to control every aspect of my life if at all possible - if given the opportunity to fly the 747 I am about to board I would even though I have no flight experience. Allowing others to help is really the second half of a larger challenge which is asking for help. For over 5 years I insisted on being the parent that checks the kids blood sugars at midnight and again at 3am even though my body was screaming for rest. Finally this last February I asked my husband to help and take over the 3am checks. Asking took a great deal of strength - it took a great deal more not to criticise his actions regarding the checks and allow him the opportunity to learn. 


5. Maintain my faith. I was raised a Lutheran. I was a watered down Christian as an adult. I attended church occasionally, made most the big holiday services, took my kids to Vacation Bible School and volunteered to help out. I believed most of what the Bible told us - the whole Noah's Ark thing has always been a bit of a stretch though. When Sugarboy was diagnosed I felt so broken - even though it was his body that was broken. I asked for help and I truly believed I felt the Holy Spirit come to me, wrap me in his arms and give me strength. For two years my faith increased, I began a stronger believer. I witnessed to others about the glory of our God. Then on April 19th of 2009 my only daughter and my first born was diagnosed with diabetes. I was seriously like WTF to our Heavenly Father. I'm not as angry now as I was then but I'm still not speaking to him very often. I am bitter and I question the methods of the madness. I am not saying that I don't believe - I honestly don't think a person can be as p***ed off at someone as much as I am and not believe at the same time. My philosophy right now "Faith is not the absence of doubt, it is the ability to believe in the presence of it". I don't doubt the existence of God - I do doubt his motives. I was raised to understand that HE either makes something happen or allows it to happen. Therefore - he could end the madness for us all. 


There may be some that read this last challenge and feel sorry for me, get angry at me, think that I am a blasphemer, think that the devil (I do doubt his existence) has taken hold of my soul. Please don't feel sorry for me - it is a journey and like most journey's I will come out stronger on the other side. You can be angry but I would question YOUR faith if you are angry at someone for acknowledging their struggles. I probably am a blasphemer - I do love Depeche Mode's song Blasphemous Rumors - I do question God's sense of humor. And as far as the Devil - well if he does exist he can kiss my arse. I am a good person and an intelligent person with Free Will and I'll be damned (tee hee see what I did there) if the Devil thinks he can have even a portion of my soul. If you don't like what I've shared feel free to pray for me - you don't need to tell me you are praying for me - if prayers work (and I still believe they do) I don't even need to know you are praying. I can offer a suggestion though - if you would like to pray for me - consider praying that I find that sense of peace and love I had when Sugarboy was diagnosed. That felt wonderful.

5 - Small victories:

1. Starting a Dblog. I had wanted to share my thoughts, fears, struggles, successes, moments of wonderful, etc etc etc for a long time. I didn't have the courage to do it until the end of January and it has given me great joy.

2. Became involved in the DOC. Prior to starting my own Dblog in Jan I would frequently read a few other blogs. Not many but I had my favorites. I never openly followed the blogs and I never got involved with twitter. I didn't even know their was a large DOC on twitter. I would occasionally post or read posts on the Children with Diabetes forums and I had my handful of other Dmoms that I would interact with on Facebook. I thought I had all my bases covered. I didn't realize what I had been missing until I attended my fist DOC DSMA Twitter Chat. All of a sudden I was connected. I interacted with people thousands of miles away - even across an ocean. I realized that I wasn't alone. All at once I was allowed to make jokes about diabetes, say FU to diabetes, and exchange frustrations and knowledge about diabetes with people who understood. I began to feel normal in the normal that I had known. (does that make sense?) 


3. I am allowing my Sweetstuff to attend a two night sleep over camp out with her girl scout troop and I won't be there. (granted the girl scout troop leader is also a Dmom so I know Sweetstuff will be in excellent hands) This camp-out without me is a huge deal for me - see control freak paragraph above. 


4. I have started to exercise. That may not seem like a victory to those that are vigilant about exercise but for me it is huge. It's not that I'm lazy. I work my bum off most days. It is that I rarely allow time for me to take care of me. Like the time I take to write on this blog - I wouldn't normally ever allow myself this much personal time. I would instead focus on cleaning the house or working. I have come to realize I can take better care of my family if I also take care of me. 


5. Letting go of hate. There have been times in my life that I have held on to hurt feelings long after the event occurred that resulted in my hurt feelings. Keeping that hate or hurt allowed others to live rent free in my head. In the last year I have made  conscious effort to let go of past anger and hurt. I won't say that I have forgiven those who hurt me or my kids but I have forgotten and moved on.